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Cynical Times editor trolls Clinton stronghold

Victor Epstein was cruising his Facebook timeline alone Thursday afternoon, buck naked in the privacy of his living room, when the break in the social...

Recognizing Osama’s sweeping victory

It's hard to believe Osama bin Laden will go down in history as the architect of our democratic society's downfall, but this painful truth is becoming clearer with each passing day as fearful Americans continue to abandon the moral compass that made us great.

What Bin Laden (shown with National Security Advisor Zbigniew Brzezinski in 1979, at left) lost on the battlefield after 9/11 he won on U.S. streets and in our living-rooms as we traded in our precious civil liberties for the false security of a venal police state devoted to savage capitalism. Tyranny and corporate greed won the day as institutions as disparate as the Republican and Democratic parties, the American Medical Association and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce took advantage of that climate of fear to advance Wall Street's message of "unrestricted profit growth by any and all means."

Why did this happen? When did this happen?

To quote U2: "You plant a demon seed, you raise a flower of fire." 

That’s us.

Nothing illustrates these painful truths more clearly than the entitled, hateful trash now seeking the presidency in the sordid Reality TV Show our electoral process has become since Citizens United. To look at hate-mongers like Trump and Cruz and Wall Street sellouts like Clinton is to know, without question, that Osama won his showdown with America and the average American lost. Big-time.


Why The Cynical Times uses foul language

I grew up in the Bronx, one of this nation’s great working class communities, and one of the joys of my return to the area nearly 20 years later was the ability to speak colorfully, profanely and directly again without offending anyone. 

I was also delighted to be reunited with a childhood friend named "Tony," who had just returned to New York City from Boston after completing his doctorate at Harvard. He was a professor at a local university now and everyone in our old circle of friends was incredibly proud of him. However, his new speech patterns took some getting used to.

Tony didn’t curse anymore, speak fast, use slang, or mix Spanish and English in the same sentences. He sounded a little “fancy” without those vestiges of working class speech, which is not a compliment for those of us raised in the city's outer boros. His wife had a PhD too and they sounded like a doctoral dissertation together.

“Hey Tony,” I said one day, speaking rapidly as is my habit. “Hey man, you guys wanna grab some dinner with Amaka and me this weekend? Maybe catch a flick? Have a couple cervesas?”

Tony looked at me like he was studying a computer screen as he gathered his thoughts. He'd always been thoughtful and deliberate, but the pause between thought and speech was considerably longer now.

I'm fairly impatient and would sometimes jump into these lulls, upsetting his thought process like a ring bearer running through puddles beside a bride in a wedding dress.

“I can whip up a batch of my homemade marinara sauce if you want to make the hike out to Jersey City,” I interjected during one lull, receiving the kind of pained expression in return normally associated with nails on a chalkboard.

“I’ve got a bottle of Jack,” I added a moment later, earning another wince.

Finally, Tony's enormous Harvard brain completed its tortoise-like journey from thought to action.

"That's a promising idea,” he said, speaking deliberately. “Let me conference with Madeline before we commit."

I leaned forward into the subsequent pause, silently willing my absent-minded professor to continue as he stared off into space.

"We’ll brainstorm some alternatives and get back to you," Tony finally said, refocusing his eyes on me. "I know she’s partial to cabernet sauvignon these days." 

Good News: Newark Mayor Rescues Constituent From Fire

The first thing Newark Mayor Cory Booker did when I met him in the fall of 2008 was joke about putting me in a...

News Scrap: Cynical Times vs NY Times

I'm still getting some interesting feedback from last week's infiltrator column. The strangest so far occurred when a New York Times reporter publicly confronted...

Breitbart Takes A Dirt Nap

Propagandist Andrew Breitbart collapsed and died Thursday while walking near his home in Los Angeles, leaving behind a string of wrecked individuals and organizations...