Reality TV Yawner 2.0


If you’re one of the millions that still think “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and the rest of the so-called Reality TV garbage is real, we have only one word for you: Duh! How dumb can you be?


Friggin cabbage is smarter than you.

Look, all of the Reality TV shows are scripted to one degree or another. If for no other reason than because the camera focuses on those behaving the worst. This pattern of rewarding the dishonorable is a symbol of all that’s wrong right now with American Society, where similar patterns now rule in politics, business and even some areas of organized religion.

We don’t have to know why or how this is happening to appreciate that it’s undermining the values of honor, integrity and hardwork the beleaguered middle class historically has inculcated into their children. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a conspiracy, or just happenstance. The outcome is the same: hordes of young people from decent middle-class families trying to emulate the false images of their fake role models.

KardRachel Marie Oberlin, who is better known for her status as porn star “Bree Olson,” said as much in this interview with Marlow Stern of The Daily Beast. Whoo-wee, I bet mommy and daddy are real proud of the way their little girl Bree squeezes stuff into her body cavities. No one else in the history of mankind has ever filled in a hole quite so stylishly before.


Oberlin had a bit part as a nanny on the Kardashian family tease show, before she supposedly was fired for wearing a bikini… As if… did you really believe a houseful of women infamous for over-exposing acres of cellulite would be offended by a little skin?

How much is 2+2? Pick a number between one and five. Make a sound like a dog… A big dog.

Anyway, Oberlin said the whole thing is scripted. AKA there’s nothing real about the show. Except for the fact that the Kardashian women must be uglier than coyotes if they need that much makeup, liposuction, hair dye and false eyelashes to get in front of a camera.

The great thing about the big lifestyle lie is the insight it provides into how the liar wishes to be seen and the qualities they lack. The big lifestyle lie also tells you a great deal about the liar’s opinion of their audience.

 It’s painfully clear that the media pimps and hookers making money in Reality TV have absolutely zero respect for their audience.

parisThe reason The Cynical Times cares about this topic is because a great deal of the Reality TV audience is comprised of kids from working families, who are embrassing the hell out of us. Even worse, some of them eventually wind up thinking they too should summer in Europe, winter in Aspen, and treat their boyfriends and girlfriends like fashion accessories.

After they max out your credit cards and come back to earth, these same kids often wind up living at home with mommy and daddy for the next 10 years while they pay them off.

Here’s a thought: if you’re one of these people, how about you stop making an idiot of yourself?

Consider this your wake-up call. Do whatever you have to do to rejoin the real world. Even if it means pretending you’re the new star of the Reality TV show “Intervention.”

Because it’s painfully clear that Reality TV stars like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian – both little rich girls who probably have never worked a real day in their lives – don’t think much of the working people watching their ridiculous little shows. They think we’re so stupid that we really believe they’re beautiful, talented, and intelligent.

If they actually were any of those things they wouldn’t be doing this kind of trash. Mixing up coffee, light and sweet, would be a step up for these fame addicts in terms of public service.

The DonaldSame goes for the walking hairstyle known as “The Donald.” He likes to talk like he’s some kind of working-class New Yorker.

What a joke.

Someone needs to tell this silver spoon tycoon that just because the working-class people on his payroll nod rhythmically when he opens his snout doesn’t make the lies emanating from it true. And it doesn’t make him working class.

That’s one thing you can’t buy Donnie.

There really is such a thing as inherent truth. although you would never think so from watching Trump and his team of spin doctor publicists. Here are some examples:

Hey Donnie – you’re really not a good looking man. Really. That’s painful truth No. 1.

And that haircut is the bomb. As in it looks like a bomb went off inside your neighbor’s dog and you clamped the remains on your head. That’s painful truth No. 2.

Hey Donnie: you’re fired.

The primary thing Trump, Hilton and the Kardashians all have in common is that they’re wealthy people who have never been without a gigantic financial safety net. Each was born into wealth. That’s why they’re so desperate to look down their noses at real working people.

They’re afraid we might actually take a critical look at them one day and realize they add as much to mankind as styrofoam adds to the taste of food.

Shame on you if you’re one of the useful idiots who has been duped into helping these parasites get richer by making fools out of the faltering middle class. Double shame if you bought into the fiction that you could somehow be like them, or should even want to be like them, and convinced yourself that anyone worthwhile would want to know you if you succeeded.

Cause you were being an idiot. And you need to stop.

The business world has a term for people like you: “aspirational shoppers.” Meaning, you’re dumb enough to buy an $800 purse that’s  big enough to sublet just because you saw Kim Kardashian lugging one around in Us Weekly.

It means you’re dumb enough to stand in line for an hour in a tiny dress, without a coat, in subzero weather and pay some goon working the velvet rope $150 to let you into the latest trendy nightclub. Once inside, you’re also dumb enough to stand around for 30 minutes waiting for the opportunity pay $30 for a drink.


Because thPull quotee same trendy “underground” club paid $10,000 to Paris Hilton a week earlier to pose for a paparazzi photo op and pretend she frequents the place.

Did you ever consider the possibility that the story was a plant?

That she got paid to be there by a talented publicist who then texted the paparazzi to let them know when and where Paris could be seen sauntering into the place?

It means you’re the kind of person who thinks the phrase “faking it until you’re making it” is sound business advice. You’re covetous, you’re envious and you’re sad.

You need to stop if you’re a member of the faltering middle class, cause we’re better than this. You know what it means to work for a living. Hard.


These Reality TV personas don’t really exist. Virtually everything about them is a fraud. They’re the product of talented makeup artists, hairstylists, photographers and publicists with a lot of time to work. Even then, you’re usually looking at the single best photo from literally tens of thousands of images of them.

So, put down the Reality TV crack pipe already, come back to the real world, and start being part of the solution. The real world and the working people that populate it may be boring, but at least we’re on your side.