Madonna defends flawed Prince “tribute”


Madonna Louise Ciccone, the aging singer known simply as “Madonna” before money and fame ruined her, lashed out Monday at critics of her opportunistic tribute to Prince Rogers Nelson.

The 57-year-old acknowledged that her lip-synced renditions of “Nothing Compares 2 U” and “Purple Rain” during Sunday’s Billboard Music Awards broadcast were stale, opportunistic and uninspired. However, she derided accusations that she’s just another money grubbing fame addict seeking to exploit the legacy of fellow performers who are no longer around to defend themselves.

“That’s peasant bullshit,” Ciccone said during an impromptu press conference outside the Elite Kabbalah Body Sculpture cosmetic surgery clinic in Manhattan. “I’ve been on top of my field for a very long time motherfuckers. Long enough that I can do whatever I damn well like – just like Hillary Clinton.

“Long enough that the normal bounds of good taste do not apply to me, motherfuckers, just like Donald Trump,” she added as the clinic slogan “if you can pinch it we can take it” ran across the podium’s electronic advertising scroll.
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Ciccone proceeded with the Billboard tribute despite an online petition at signed by more than 8,000 people who claimed Prince was worthy of a better performer. Her rushed performance occurred just six weeks after she butchered David Bowie‘s hit song “Rebel Rebel” during a similar tribute days after the British singer’s January death. The highlight of the Bowie show was an unplugged guitar that Ciccone hung around her neck but never actually played.

Meanwhile, rival Lady Gaga was tagged to exploit Bowie’s death at The Grammy Awards, in a reptilian tribute performance packaged as a single continuous advertisement for Intel.

Ciccone’s new tribute marketing strategy first drew widespread criticism in November 2015 following a botched rendition of 2 Live Crew’s iconic adolescent anthem “Me so Horny.” The miscue occurred during a halftime appearance at Sun Life Stadium in Miami, meant to honor the cultural contributions of Luther Campbell. The group’s longtime lead singer died just days earlier in a tragic case of autoerotic asphyxiation involving a raccoon, a boa constrictor and a three-toed tree sloth.

Ciccone was grabbing her crotch and lip syncing the words “I’m a freak in heat, a dog without warning” when her pre-recorded vocal track inexplicably malfunctioned. The discombobulated singer was jeered off the stage as it ran through the line “I have an appetite for sex, ’cause me so horny” in her absence.

Ciccone apologized for the mixup, donating $10,000 to the Sex Addicts Anonymous charity afterward in Campbell’s name.

“Madonna is clearly trying to reach out to a younger audience,” celebrity gossip columnist Mario Lavah Leezard said . “The only way she can do that right now is to try to brand herself as the Grand Dame of Music by elbowing her way to the front for these tributes every time someone dies. It’s crass, but it’s good business and she’s all about the Benjamins. That part of the Trump and Hillary comparison is true.”

Prince died April 21 after suffering with hip pain for years but refusing to undergo replacement surgery. A devout Jehovah’s Witness, his faith permits only bloodless surgeries, leaving the Minnesota resident to resort to opium-based painkillers tbowie5o deal with the chronic pain. 

The artist died without a will, leaving behind only a hand scrawled note with the cryptic message “don’t let that crazy bitch cover my shit.”

More than 700 ruthless mofos immediately tried to claim a piece of Prince’s estate, which could easily surpass $100 million in real estate and other assets.

Ciccone also announced plans Monday to create a foundation in Prince’s honor for really famous, rich, drug addicts who are too surrounded by fawning lackeys to get the medical help they so desperately need. She said she intends to bankroll it via a musical fundraiser along the lines of the 1985 USA for Africa hit single “We are the World.”

Ciccone disclosed the planned fundraiser just one day after Lady Gaga made a similar announcement at a dueling Prince tribute in Times Square.

“First, it was Michael Jackson, then Whitney Houston, then every Spinal Tap drummer but Mick Shrimpton – and now Prince,” a tearful Madonna said. “We’ve got to do something to protect gagathe 1 Percent from the reckless, enabling behavior of their syncophantic assistants.”

The dueling tributes prompted a scathing indictment from LastWeekTonight host John Oliver, who described Ciccone as the poster child for a pampered Baby Boomer generation which is simply incapable of knowing how much is too much. The comedian held up a yellowed photograph of Madonna’s bare butt from her 1992 nude coffee-table book “Sex” and asked “why does this woman still think her ass is a thing, after all these years?”

What’s next, Oliver wondered aloud.

“Lori Davis hair care informercials? Is Madonna gonna give Cher a run for her money?”


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