Transactional relationships of the Predatory 1 Percent

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Uber-hoochie Linda Evangelista succeeded in shaking down French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault on Monday after a bout of buyer’s remorse over the terms of their 2006 coupling.

The incident is the latest example of the inherent instability of the transactional relationships favored by the Predatory 1 Percent. Details of the deal were not disclosed to the press by Evangelista.

The former supermodel told the court she was laying out $46,000 a month to care for their 5-year-old son “Augie” due to the need for such household staples as armed bodyguards and a 24-hour-a-day nanny. Apparently, her own time is at a premium as a 46-year-old has been.
 
“Ms. Evangelista is not looking to piggyback the lifestyle of Mr. Pinault,” plaintiff’s attorney William Beslow said in an opening statement last week. Such disingenuous statements are an accepted form among the legal set, who understand that they actually mean exactly the opposite.

It’s similar to calling the MX intercontinental ballistic missile “The Peacekeeper.”
 
The 1 Percent spat comes at a time when a record 46 millionyo2 Americans are living in poverty, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, and more than 50 million are without health insurance. No data was available at press time on the number of Americans struggling to survive in the absence of full-time nannies and bodyguards.

An exceptionally attractive person provides sexual services to an exceptionally wealthy person in a typical transactional relationship. In exchange for sharing their lifestyle. 

This modern form of primae noctis is a socially acceptable way for members of the 1 Percent to treat a gold digger like a plastic sex doll. Provided both sides embrace the knowing lie that the hoochie will remain forever young and the rich fool will remain forever rich.

Evangelista hails from a working class community on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls and is best known for saying “we don’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day.” She coined the phrase after observing that her perfumed vaginal cavity was exceptionally symmetrical and comprised of pure gold. Instead of meat.

“Linda hyo1as a way with words and a magical vagina,” Evangelista said of herself. 
 
The fundamental difference between transactional relationships and normal romances is that the mutually exploitative paramours make no pretense whatsoever about aiding one another in difficult times, according to University of Georgia Anthropology Professor Lovett Bownem.

“They’re in it for better or better,” said Bownem. “Not for better or worse.”

The wheels come off when a service provider’s looks fade or the silver spoon begins to struggle financially. At which point both 1 Percent imbeciles race to be the first to claim “victim” status by pretending the relationship was rooted in more than money and sex.
 
Pinault (above left) upgraded to female sexuality icon Salma Hayek in 2008. They have a 4-year-old daughter. The 49-year-old Frenchman, who is still waiting for Rolex to begin making condoms, has officially reproduced four times.

yo11“Frankie’s peepee is a silver sword,” Pinault said of himself. “He likes to wave it around like Lion-O in The Thundercats.”

Click pic at left for video.

Evangelista confines her own romantic endeavors strictly to the Predatory 1 Percent. She married an executive at Elite Model Management a few years after joining the agency, left him for actor Kyle MacLachlan, before moving on to French football player Fabien Barthez and Pinault.

Leasing a model is one way icons of the 1 Percent, like Pinault and Donald Trump, can compare penis size without actually dropping trough. Much as such silver spoons routinely demonstrate their toughness by leasing members of the 99 Percent to fight their physical battles for them as bodyguards.

Look for Hayek (right) to file a similar lawsuit against Pinault in the next five years after he upgrades to a younger model without paying the early termination fee associated with her lease.

Evangelista has seen both her looks and income fade in yo8recent years after making more than $1.8 million a year at her peak. That’s pocket lint for Pinault, whose family fortune is estimated at $13 billion.
 
Evangelista’s earning power as a specialist in sexually suggestive poses was at its peak during the four months when they were swapping bodily fluids. She has been featured on over 600 magazine covers.
 
Pinault was hit with what he considered an unreasonable request for child support by Evangelista after legally recognizing Augie as his son in 2007. She rebuffed his counter offer and they first went to court in 2010.

Evangelista has helped the $1.2 trillion apparel industry monetize people’s obsession with flash. Pinault has also made a career in the exploitative industry, which convinces so-called “aspirational shoppers” to pay $2,000 for purses they don’t need and $5,000 for dresses and suits in the kind of plumage display favored by chickens, ruffs and egrets.

Employment in the $340 billion a year United States fashion industry has fallen by 82 percent since January 1994 as corporate managers like Pinault have moved millions of American jobs overseas to low-wage economies. The U.S. had 149,700 apparel workers in January, down 82 percent from the 834,900 in January 1994. Median pay for the 64,100 sewing machine operators left in the U.S. was $19,180 in 2010.
 
Pisatire46nault is chief executive officer of the PPR multinational fashion company, formerly known as Pinault-Printemps-Redoute. The Paris-based company his daddy founded in 1963 has annual revenue of more than $15 billion, about 50,200 employees and a string of top-flight brands that include Gucci and Yves St. Laurent.
 
Pinault is known for spending lavishly on himself. He told the court that he wears a $100,000 watch, dropped about $52,000 on a 12-day vacation to Bora Bora and bought himself about $62,000 in clothes in a single year, according to The Associated Press.

“Only the best for Frankie,” Pinault said of himself.

Evangelista was set to resume the witness stand Monday before they settled on a price. She spent several weeks conferring with a who’s who of designers about the best look and had reached an exclusive deal with Vogue for the licensing rights to her courtroom ensemble.

“Miss Evangelista  had a custom silk chiffon gown from Jason Wu, accessorized with Loree Rodkin gems and Jimmy Choo sandals,” Evangelista said. “The ensemble is called ‘Barristocrat’ and is available at K-Mart for $155.95.”

The not so devoted mother previously testified that Piy04nault had sought an abortion for their money child in the kind of revelation that should qualify as future child abuse.
 
“Everybody is very glad that it’s over,” Pinault lawyer David Aronson told The Associated Press after previously describing Evangelista’s financial demands as “ridiculous.”
 
Pinault said his relationship with Evangelista encompassed only seven days of actual time together in an apparent justification of his failure to pay the early termination fee on her lease. That’s a nice way of saying that although she was sexually accessible to him for four months they only spent a fraction of that time engaging in serious carnal activity. 

“It’s very difficult to maintain a relationship in which both parties constantly refer to themselves in the third person,” Pinault said, “Franky never knew who was talking about who.”
 
A child support agreement requiring $30,000 a month from Pinault for the next 18 years would yield an hourly rate of about $38,571 for the superhoochie. That compares with upscale escort reimbursement rates that vary from $500 an hour to $5,000.
 
By yo9contrast, alleged sex addict Charlie Sheen’s outlays for strange appear quite conservative. Such excessive payouts are the best evidence that the business acumen which marked Pinault’s daddy sometimes skips a generation.
 
The influx of cash from the deal should allow the fading Evangelista, who has made a career out of objectifying herself, to undertake the difficult transition from hoochie momma to bank loan officer in future transactional relationships. Albeit at a modest level.
 
God forbid either she or Pinault should just live like the rest of us.

“Augie looks forward to the day when he can cruise the Internet unsupervised,” Augie Evangelista-Pinault said. “He can’t wait to begin reading about his parents in a few years. Especially their discussion about aborting him.”