Sunday, September 20, 2020
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Actress Sara Gilbert Named CIA Director

America’s increasingly addled Commander-in-Chief named former child star Sara Gilbert to head The Central Intelligence Agency on Sunday morning in a bizarre appointment immediately...

Shaq and General Named National Security Advisers

President Donald Trump named basketball great Shaquille O’Neal and the cartoon character of “The General” as the 27th and 28th National Security Advisers in...

Wingnut Icon Alex Jones Severs Own Penis

President Donald Trump’s favorite right-wing “journalist” severed his own penis Sunday morning and repeatedly gagged himself with it in a bizarre public mutilation in downtown Austin,...

Trump Turns Rich Black Supporters White

In a stunning pique of affluenza, President Donald Trump rewrote America’s racial caste system Wednesday with an executive order making his wealthiest African American supporters...

Dotard and Duchess Named Ugly Americans of the Year

Former presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton wasn't trying to get Donald Trump elected when she identified the wealthy huckster as her preferred opponent in 2016,...

Bryan Power Named Cynical’s Token Wingnut

I used to frequent a crowded halal butcher shop in Northern New Jersey which specialized in freshly slaughtered chickens and goats.   I'd watch the...

God Admits Mistakes, Regrets Past Failures

God expressed regret for his failure to prevent genocide, natural disaster, poverty, war, child abuse, and The Moron Presidency on Thursday, acknowledging for the...

U.S. Lawmakers to Introduce Robotic Citizens

Congressional Republicans and Democrats announced a tentative agreement Thursday to replace poor and middle class Americans with robots and artificial intelligence (AI) by 2020....

CIA Says Trump Was Special Forces Operator

Former Navy Seal Donald Trump still recalls the morning in 1968 when he stood on the bank of the Vltava River, watching Soviet tanks...

Trump Threatens to Gag Critics

Embattled President Donald Trump threatened hundreds of organizations and individuals with closure and imprisonment Wednesday, singling out Tickle Me Elmo and former President Jimmy...

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