Monday, May 25, 2020
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Monetizing Royal Swag: From Shower Clogs to Semen

In the aftermath of "The Royal Wedding That Broke The Internet," Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are already finalizing their plans to conquer the highly competitive...

Most Trumplickers Support Idol’s Lack of Control

A new survey by the Pew Research Center found that 90 percent of President Donald Trump’s supporters have a favorable view of his complete...

President to Marry Daughter Ivanka in Royal Wedding

Donald Trump ratcheted up his “no rules” approach to life Friday with the announcement of his impending wedding to daughter Ivanka and their plans...

Salma Hayek Denies Excessive Sexuality Charges

Actress Salma Hayek released a new statement Friday, following multiple allegations of excessive sexuality, categorically denying that she ever objectified herself in a bid...

Conservatives Distance Selves From Mike Rotondo

Conservative groups have filed suit against social media sensation Michael Rotondo, the 30-year-old gun nut who was legally evicted from his parents’ home Wednesday,...

Harry’s ex-Girlfriends and Markle’s Bruised Buttocks

A global audience of clueless millions is expected to tune into the Royal Wedding on Saturday to see Meghan Markle's attempted domestication of Prince Harry’s...

Truyahu Inspires “Prayer for Rectal Cancer”

Osan Girl was scandalously dressed when I saw her just after curfew in 1998. Her drunken body gyrated in the street at the top of the entertainment...

Why are Conservatives So Angry and Horny?

Conservative groups exhibited some of the highest levels of sexual frustration and aggression in the history of The Cynical Times' Annual Index of American Politics...

MAGA 101: Donald Trump’s Mind Control Secrets

The secrets of master manipulator Donald Trump, the Reality TV Star who has successfully transformed millions of proud American workers into reflexive rule followers and tools of...

Trump Slams Korean Peace Summit as “Gutless”

President Donald Trump slammed South Korean President Moon Jae-in as a “gullible fool” and North Korean Strongman Kim Jung-un as an “unhinged madman” Friday,...

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