Monday, September 16, 2019
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Calmate motherfuckers

Look people, if you voted for Trump or Hillary you voted for Wall Street. Again. And you will live to regret it. So save all your hypocritical...

This McDonaldized election was over before it began

When I see "too good to be true" nonsense like the meme at left I have to wonder what is real and what is illusion...

Cynical Times Endorses Hillary Clinton

Ever wonder how so many Africans could be crowded aboard European slave ships without a revolt in the 1800s? Or how so many Jews could be herded to...

Veterinarians Label Sanders a Chocolate Lab

Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders is the political equivalent of a chocolate lab, according to a recent poll of 500 veterinarians by the American Kennel...

The Cynical Times endorses peaceful revolution at The Bernie Box

I respectfully disagree with those who say choosing Bernie Sanders over Hillary Rodham Clinton is solely the province of the young and naive. I feel the same way as the kids do and I'm 51. Many of my age-mates are of a similar mind.

That’s why The Cynical Times is endorsing Bernie Sanders for president. It's the first real endorsement in the history of this news and satire website devoted to the faltering middle class.

I worked in the mainstream news media for more than 30 years before it was taken over by right-wing monied interests. During that time I covered both politics and economics in Washington, D.C., rubbing elbows with everyone from Alan Greenspan to Jeb Bush to Cory Booker; covered cops and courts in Newark, the Bronx and South Florida; covered energy, insurance and banking at the national and global level; and our military overseas.

I am wholly convinced that the naive view right now in America is held by those who believe they can present our shrinking middle class with another choice between two Wall Street agents and call it a proper election. Because that's what the U.S. has had every year since Jimmy Carter ran for our nation's highest office in 1976 and that's why our voter turnout is among the lowest in the so-called developed world.

Most Americans want to vote against both the Wall Street money machine and against the K-Street political lobbyists, and have been wanting to do so for some time. However, there's usually no meaningful way to do so. Until now.

That's why The Cynical Times is feeling The Bern.

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Sanders battles Clinton to Iowa tie

Political Outsider Bernie Sanders fought Wall Street favorite Hillary Clinton to a virtual standstill in Monday’s Iowa Caucus, the first state primary election of the 2016 presidential race.

The outcome spells trouble for the monied interests which have controlled the federal government since 1980, orchestrating a huge shift in wealth from the middle class to the privileged 1 Percent.

Why?

Because Iowa Caucus voters tend to be whiter and more affluent than those in the nation as a whole, and more insulated from the economic downturns which have battered more populous regions. They’re less of a microcosm of the nation for those reasons than a microcosm of the nation’s affluent whites.

All of which raises a troubling question for Clinton: If Sanders can claim half of Iowa Democrats, what can the enemy of savage capitalism do in New York, Michigan, Florida, Illinois California and Texas – areas hard hit by the Country Club Set's ruthless offshoring of U.S. manufacturing jobs to boost corporate profit growth?

Sanders had 49.6 percent of the Iowa Democratic vote at 1:55 a.m. EST Tuesday morning, with 99 percent of the precincts reporting. Clinton was able to garner just just 49.9 percent despite her nearly unlimited campaign warchest and potential status as the first female president in U.S. history.

Religious nut Ted Cruz won the Republic Caucus, with 28 percent of the vote. He edged out Reality TV Star Donald Trump, who was second with 24 percent. U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) led the nine other passengers in the Republican clown car. All but Trump are palatable to the Koch Brothers, a group of energy industry magnates who have all but taken over the GOP by vowing to spend $900 million to get one of their lackeys into the nation's highest office.

For a sneak peak inside the Iowa Caucus click http://www.cynicaltimes.org/articles/fear-and-loathing-in-des-moines-335.htm

Gil Fulbright for President

“Listening to my constituents, legislating – these are things I don’t do,” says maverick presidential candidate Gil Fulbright. “What I do is spend about 70 percent of my time raising funds for re-election. I’ll do anything to stay in office. My name's Gil Fulbright, but hell,  I'll change my name to Phil Gulbright or Bill Fulbright or Phillip Mamouf Wifarts.”

Fulbright is the newest entry in a crowded field of candidates for the 2016 presidential auction. However, he’s already threatening the status quo simply by leveling with American voters about the venal nature of the political hookers in their paper democracy, according to a political science professor who will say anything for media exposure.

For that reason, and that reason alone, The Cynical Times has chosen to bestow the first political endorsement in its storied five year history on the comedian/actor.

“Fulbright has charged the imagination of a generation of American voters with his heroic and shameless message of selfless self-promotion,” says Cynical Times Co-founder Dur T. Sanchez. “His dreams of wealth through unbridled greed embody all that is wrong in this nation, making him the perfect manifestation of the new American Way. This is one American patriot who never asks 'how much is too much' or whether 'all profit is moral.' ”

Obama’s Long Overdue Endorsement of Gay Marriage

As I reflected on President Barack Obama's long overdue endorsement of gay marriage earlier this week, my own thoughts drifted back to my friend...

Bachmann Rides Monster Corn Dog to Straw Poll Win

Wingnut presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann gave America one of the most disturbing political images in its history when she went tonsils-deep on a monster...

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