Tuesday, April 20, 2021
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Love in the Time of Hog Heads and Habitual Liars

Scientists are racing the clock to find a cure for the Pinnochio Effect, as Republican fabulists contend with a frightening and inexplicable period of rapid skull expansion in the post-Trump era.

Dotard President Oversees Deadliest Period in U.S. History

The Moron President's mishandling of the Covid-19 pandemic has led The United States into the deadliest period in its 244-year history. The previous record? The U.S. Civil War. It generated an average of 504 deaths a day – about half of the current Covid death rate. About 20 Americans are dying each day right now for each U.S. combat death at the height of The Vietnam War – when our military averaged 46 fatalities a day in 1968.

Markets Plunge on Trump’s Coronavirus Miscues

Financial markets plunged this morning following a disastrous presidential press conference about the coronavirus pandemic, in which Donald J. Trump confused the fast-spreading illness with the Bohemia and Dos Equis beers.

The Epic Bullshit of January Home Sales

The Wall Street cheerleaders at CNBC would like you to believe new home sales surged to their highest level in more than...

The Fading Dream of a Blue Wave

If you thought the Republican Party couldn't possibly win the upcoming midterm elections in the face of The Moron Presidency and the vaunted Blue...

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg is Most Hated American

When it comes to “schadenfreude,” the German word for taking pleasure in the suffering of others, Facebook CEO and Chairman Mark Zuckerberg is No....

The Lady was a “Trump”

The “recreational mannequin” which prompted a police investigation Thursday in Ohio is actually a long lost and much loved member of the presidential household, according to law enforcement officials.

Trump Wives Challenge Toadstool Penis Description

“I wouldn’t call first penis a toadstool dah-link,” said first wife Ivana, 69. “It remind me of geoduck. You know this thing – yes? – is like big clam that look like little dick.”

Plaid Shirt Guy, Working Class Hero

The Cynical Times’ Working Class Hero of the Week is “Plaid-Shirt-Guy.”

The Moron President Attacks His Supporters

The Moron presidency took a turn for the surreal Thursday, when Donald Trump told supporters it’ll be their fault if he's impeached.

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