Wednesday, June 19, 2019
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Gil Fulbright for President

“Listening to my constituents, legislating – these are things I don’t do,” says maverick presidential candidate Gil Fulbright. “What I do is spend about 70 percent of my time raising funds for re-election. I’ll do anything to stay in office. My name's Gil Fulbright, but hell,  I'll change my name to Phil Gulbright or Bill Fulbright or Phillip Mamouf Wifarts.”

Fulbright is the newest entry in a crowded field of candidates for the 2016 presidential auction. However, he’s already threatening the status quo simply by leveling with American voters about the venal nature of the political hookers in their paper democracy, according to a political science professor who will say anything for media exposure.

For that reason, and that reason alone, The Cynical Times has chosen to bestow the first political endorsement in its storied five year history on the comedian/actor.

“Fulbright has charged the imagination of a generation of American voters with his heroic and shameless message of selfless self-promotion,” says Cynical Times Co-founder Dur T. Sanchez. “His dreams of wealth through unbridled greed embody all that is wrong in this nation, making him the perfect manifestation of the new American Way. This is one American patriot who never asks 'how much is too much' or whether 'all profit is moral.' ”