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Love in the Time of Hog Heads and Habitual Liars

Scientists are racing the clock to find a cure for the Pinnochio Effect, as Republican fabulists contend with a frightening and inexplicable period of rapid skull expansion in the post-Trump era.

Tyranny on Parade: Facebook Muzzles Liberal Group

Facebook muzzled The Cynical Times' brand of muscular Liberalism today to advance the fiction its long overdue crackdown on the hatemongers of The Right...

Democratic Report Card: D

With the midterm elections just three months away, the poster child for the Democratic Party remains a greedy, aging, silver spoon – just like...

The Trump Challenge: Tell Ruskies “Fuck Off”

The problem with the United States right now is that most Americans would hire a Mexican day laborer to carry their burden of citizenship...

In Defense of Liberal Intolerance

"No freebies" was one of the guiding principles I grew up with in the Bronx - one of America's great working class communities and a bastion of...

President to Marry Daughter Ivanka in Royal Wedding

Donald Trump ratcheted up his “no rules” approach to life Friday with the announcement of his impending wedding to daughter Ivanka and their plans...

Salma Hayek Denies Excessive Sexuality Charges

Actress Salma Hayek denies excessive sexuality charges

Conservatives Distance Selves From Mike Rotondo

Conservative groups have filed suit against social media sensation Michael Rotondo, the 30-year-old gun nut who was legally evicted from his parents’ home Wednesday,...

Why are Conservatives So Angry and Horny?

Conservative groups exhibited some of the highest levels of sexual frustration and aggression in the history of The Cynical Times' Annual Index of American Politics...

God Admits Mistakes, Regrets Past Failures

God expressed regret for his failure to prevent genocide, natural disaster, poverty, war, child abuse, and The Moron Presidency on Thursday, acknowledging for the...

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