Defining Trump: A Pussy’s Pussy

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Apologies to those who view “pussy” as a sexist slur, but the term was so pervasive in the Bronx during my youth that I find myself reflexively blurting it out every time I see Donald Trump’s fake tough guy face.

I don’t view “pussy” in gender terms, although it clearly originated as a sexist term equating men with the subordinate female gender role of days gone by. However for me, and tens of millions of other Americans, the term is not about insulting women. Instead, it’s akin to calling someone a “coward.” Albeit with considerably more panache. 

If Trump was a woman, instead of a five-time draft evader, things would be different. I would never use the term.

However, since this trust-fund baby is hellbent on promoting the fiction of his own innate superiority, I hereby request a communal variance on the use of “pussy” in the public forum for the duration of his disastrous presidency.

Sorry. As a proud liberal I know I should be better than this, but “coward” just doesn’t cut it for me when it comes to Trump and his stunted spawn.

This egotistical trust-fund baby – who would never get laid if he was poor or middle class  – is the human embodiment of the term “pussy.”

There is a notable and recent precedent for this kind of selective verbal revision: “Birth of a Nation.”

For more than a century the title was the name of a racist film made in 1915, which celebrated white supremacy and The Klu Klux Klan. Until filmmaker Nate Parker repurposed it in 2016 to tell the story of a bloody Virginia slave revolt.

I think we need to do the same with “pussy.” Just as our Imbecile-in-Chief is currently transforming “Trump” from an upscale brand into a group slur for those who betray the Liberal principles of freedom, equality and democracy. We need to turn “pussy” into a term for his particular brand of treasonous opportunism.

Trump is a pitiful excuse for an American who shames us all. That’s just who and what he is. 

Not because he’s feminine, but because he’s a poser who talks tough and walks soft. Like someone who never worked a real day in their life or mixed it up with anyone who could defend themselves.

A lot of other people who grew up in New York feel the same way. Case in point, Robert De Niro’s “Fuck Trump” speech at the Tony Awards in June, which drew a standing ovation from the normally cultured theater crowd.

“It’s no longer down with Trump,” said De Niro, “it’s Fuck Trump.”

Amen baby. This royal wannabee threatens our democracy, our children’s future, and our freedoms.

Trump’s pussy face makes me want to shake him down for his lunch money every time I see it, and I never shook anyone down for their lunch money in my school days. Although I did stand up for myself with mixed results, like most Americans from blue collar communities.

This piece of shit is supposed to be better than us?

I think not.

Someone once described singer Michael Jackson’s bankruptcy as the predictable result of a multi-millionaire living on a billionaire budget. When I see and hear Donald Trump I reach a similar conclusion about his alleged manhood, in the sense that I hear a tough guy mouth attached to a marshmallow soul. A guy who has never been in a real fight in his life. Meaning one where both participants can do damage and take damage.

I just don’t see the tough guy he presents himself as. Instead, I see “pussy.” I see a human ice cream cone who who needed to have a bodyguard to feel safe on the street, even before he was famous.

I also see a “retard.”

I’m going to need a communal variance for that term, too. Because “Stupid” just doesn’t cut it for Trump any more.

Not since the trust-fund baby’s disastrous appearances with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin and North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un.

Not since he started separating helpless immigrant kids from their moms.

Not since he started bragging about grabbing women by the pussy.

Not since he denigrated the courage of U.S. Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), who was tortured as a prisoner during the Vietnam, and made crude remarks to the widow of Special Forces Sgt. LaDavid Johnson.

Not since he disparaged the backgrounds of Federal Judge Gonzalo Curiel and U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Warren, and used racial code to insult basketball great LeBron James.

Not since he started ordering others to rough up people on his behalf at his idiot political rallies.

Not since he gave away trillions of middle class tax dollars to his country club friends and began single-handedly undermining America’s position of leadership in the free world.

What kind of retard does such a thing?

Only a pussy.

This guy is a very long way from the “bend but don’t break” persona of the iconic American tough guy. Meaning someone who puts up with a little crap, but does so from a position of strength and tolerance for others. Rather than weakness.

Trump is weak. That’s why he’s always on the muscle, hurling empty insults from afar at his critics and tweeting empty threats to other world leaders which expose him as the poser he is.

This is a guy who beat his wife Ivana in 1989, for steering him wrong on the cosmetic surgeon who eliminated his bald spot and sucked the fat out of his waist and chin.

Why didn’t he just hit the gym to lose the  weight?

Trump is too big a pussy.

Only way he’s working out is if he can pay someone else to put in the time and effort on his behalf, and deal with the pain and discomfort.

I don’t view “retard” as a derogatory word for the developmentally disabled, but as a term of ridicule for those moving backward along the evolutionary ladder. As in “Donald Trump is a friggin retard and his idiot ways are undermining our nation’s standing in the world.”

To avoid sharing those painful truths because they’re politically incorrect would be unpatriotic of me.

This guy is a piece of shit and we all need to shout it from the highest perch until the corporate royals who have hijacked our government realize they risk outright revolution by maintaining him in office.

If President Donald Trump (it makes my teeth hurt just to say the title he’s polluting) was really developmentally disabled I would never direct the term “retard” his way.

Why?

Because I’m no bully.

He is.

I habitually respected the Office of the President of The United States, even when it was occupied by someone I didn’t vote for, until this pussy moved in. No more.

You have to have an IQ of less than 70 to be developmentally disabled. Whereas those with IQs above 140-145 are considered geniuses.

Trump’s IQ is probably more along the lines of a 85 to 90. He’s a classic example of the kind of educated idiot who spends all his time in private school trying to pass his classes instead of absorbing wisdom.

In Trump’s case, his degree from Wharton is camouflage,. It’s meant to mask the fact that his analytical abilities aren’t real keen.

The one thing does excel at is playing to a crowd, but the wisdom of crowds has never been ideal.

Sadly, lighting a revolutionary fire is not the same as knowing how to extinguish one.

That’s where we’re at right now as a nation. We’ve got a verbal arsonist in the White House throwing rhetorical firebombs around to distract the masses as he and his fellow country club commandos pilfer the federal treasury.

Having this imbecile as president is akin to buying a Ferrari muscle car kit with a lawnmower engine inside. It’s an exercise in appearance over substance.

This silver spoon mofo is so contemptible you have to be careful about comparing him to others, lest they be insulted by the analogy.

That’s why we need to repurpose “pussy” and “retard” from group slurs into terms of individual reprobation for the mix of fake tough guy and treasonous opportunist he embodies. 

With all due respect to fellow Bronx product Chuck Zito (right), the real life tough guy who recently threatened to beat the shit out of Trump Haters like me – his idol is not just a pussy. He’s a pussy’s pussy.

The painful truth is that “pussy” and “retard” are relative terms.

When I’m standing next to Chuck, I’m a pussy. Relatively speaking. Because I can’t stand up to the man who beat martial artist Claude van Damme senseless in 1998 after serving as bodyguard to “The Muscles From Brussels.” 

But when Donnie Bagdonuts stands next to me, I’m friggin Chuck Zito. And Trump is still a silver spoon mofo who didn’t get beaten up nearly enough in junior high.

The imbecile in The White House is that big a pussy.

Not only that, but he’s the worst kind of bully. The kind of coward who preys on the weak and avoids the strong. Unlike Chuck Zito, who has worked as a bodyguard, stuntman, bouncer, actor and mechanic and served six years in prison for drug trafficking.

There’s a common misconception in our society that all bullies are cowards, which is completely untrue. Most bullies are cowards, like Trump, who retreat in the face of anyone who is “more man” than themselves. However, there is also a subset who just like to mix it up – like Chuck. They have one gear: straight ahead, which they employ with everyone and everything. 

I know what tough looks like and Chuck Zito is not putting on a show. Even now at age 65.

Everyone who has ever scratched Chuck’s smiling veneer and met the human anvil underneath knows this to be true.

Chuck is so inherently “take no shit” that he has to act sweet just to keep from scaring the rest of the world away.

On the other hand, when Chuck is standing next to me he’s kind of a political retard. Relatively speaking. Although no one with nerdish inclinations is going to share that particular painful truth with the former president of the Hells Angels Motorcycle Gang’s New York City Chapter unless they’re very far away.

Which I am.

Anyone who has ever covered elections and politics as a beat reporter in the mainstream news media – and I’ve done both – knows that Trump is a total aberration. A con artist who was chasing free publicity for his upscale brand by pretending to run for office, when the combination of Democratic corruption, social media, Russian opportunism, and the worst labor market since The Great Depression got him elected.

No offense Chuck, but beating people senseless doesn’t exactly make you a political expert or a media expert. So take it from a fellow Bronx guy, with brains in equal proportion to your brawn: “Donnie Trustfund is not who you think he is.”

Either I’m wrong about you or I’m wrong about him. And I’m pretty sure you’re the real deal Chuck.

So what’s that make your hero, Donnie Bagadonuts?

I know why you like him. You like him for the same reason Mike Tyson likes him, because you think he’s preaching the idea that the powerful should be respected by the rest of us. And you’re powerful and fearsome.

You’re also wrong on Trump.

I think you can do better.

Backing Trump is akin to being the political equivalent of Eddie Mush – the habitual loser in the film Bronx Tale. No offense.

Sure, the pickings are mighty slim when it comes to the current generation of politicians.

But Donald Friggin Trump?

That’s betting the house on a sure loser.

It’s about as foolish as publicly saying you think it’s OK for a man to beat a woman who cheats on him.

Come on Chuck. You’re better than that. We all are.

Trump is a pussy. In fact he’s such a pussy, he’s a pussy’s pussy.

I’ll bet you a plate of Zuppa de Pesca at Frankie and Johnny’s that you’re man enough to lead by example and help the needy – so much so that you don’t even have to think about it.

Donald Trump is not. Never will be. Never has been.

He’s a pure sucker bet, even though he pays his bodyguards well.

Look Chuck, I don’t tell you how to be a tough guy. I leave that to you.

So don’t be telling me how to be a smart guy politically. It’s not your area of expertise.

To quote Walter in The Big Lebowski: “You’re out of your element.”

So is your boy Donnie Trump, and it’s not going to end well. For any of us.

The author is a fourth generation product of the Bronx, a graduate of The Bronx High School of Science, and was raised in the Co-Op City, Kingsbridge and Riverdale neighborhoods.

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