President Donald Trump set the literary world aflame this week with a bizarre book of poetry which is already being denounced as "fascist porn" by the literary community and lauded by the right as a "master work."
The 789-page book, entitled "Eight Inches of Swollen Love Poems for the Loyal American," has been widely condemned by poets around the world and members of "the reality-based community." It spurred the preemptive resignation of incoming United States Poet Laureate Tracy K. Smith.
Trump created a stir Wednesday with a spoken word performance of the lead poem "Melania Melania" in the Howard Zinn room of the Busboys and Poets restaurant in Washington, D.C. It includes intimate descriptions of his relationship with wife Melania, who is alternately referred to as "my silent Slovenian delight" and "queen whore of my life."
Smith, who won the Pulitzer Prize for Poetry in 2011, said it may be the worst book of poetry in the history of the world. She was set to begin her term as the 22nd poet laureate this Fall, before Eight Inches' release.
"Melania Melania is far and away the most repulsive poem ever written in the history of life on Earth," Smith said. "It's an offense to the human race in general and to women specifically, which sets human evolution back at least a millennium. All I can say is 'poor Melania.' No woman deserves this."
A millennium is 1,000 years.
Right-wing propagandist Alex Jones had a more favorable review of Eight Inches, which is dedicated to him by name. The performance artist hailed it as a triumph of the spirit and a master work for the master race.
"Triumph of the Spirit" is also the title of a well known film about The Holocaust.
"This book exposes the sensitive side of our dear leader," Jones tweeted. "IMHO, the lead poem, Melania Melania, is one of the greatest love poems ever written. It shows President Trump as the thoughtful, empathetic, compassionate, vulnerable, virile, heroic, powerful, introspective family man we all know him to be."
The Trump Administration has struggled to attract and retain top-tier professionals like Smith. It's been hard-hit by resignations since the commander-in-chief revealed himself to be a Nazi sympathizer following an Aug. 12 domestic terror attack.
Smith's resignation comes two days after Acting Surgeon General Sylvia Trent-Adam stepped down. She did so after lambasting Trump as potentially "the dumbest motherfucker on Planet Earth" for staring at the total eclipse without proper eye protection Aug. 21.
Trump dedicated the lead poem in Eight Inches to his third wife, for whom it is named. The former Slovenian model and soft-core porn star worked in the U.S. illegally in her youth. She now serves as its First Lady, even though her husband has demonized illegal immigrants. Her birth name is Melanija Knavs.
Melania Melania verges on the pornographic at times and has been labeled "little dick smut" by The National Organization for Women.
German Chancellor Angela Merkel said she was so offended by the poem and the book that she was considering suspending diplomatic relations with the U.S. to protest its unhinged portrayal of Melania as a "a compliant womb to spike."
Merkel also found fault with the cover, which depicts Trump as a bare chested bodybuilder with a chiseled torso.
A hot mike captured her saying "er ist verrückt."
White House Spiritual Adviser Paula White, a televangelist who calls Trump "the right hand of god," said such criticisms are unfair and verge on the hysteric. Eight Inches is actually a celebration of the monogamous union between the most powerful man in the world and his lady, she said.
White and other religious opportunists laid hands on Trump after its release to pray it would sell well. They also implored the admitted adulterer to continue to funnel government grants to them in exchange for their political support.
"Look, there's just not that many religious nuts left in this country," White said afterward, cleaning her hands with Purell. "We can no longer afford to be picky about our allies."
Justin Moore, of Pelham, N.C., said Eight Inches penetrated him deeply. The Grand Dragon of the Loyal White Knights of the KKK, who is suffering from a terminal case of Mountain Dew Mouth, singled out Melania Melania as a personal favorite.
Moore's wife Tiffany reads Eight Inches aloud to him each night before bed to comfort him, according to an interview in Modern White Supremacist Magazine.
"I'm not book read, but when I first heered Eight Inches I was right smitten with it," Moore said. "It ain't even a-mite briggity. It's just a plain spoke love note to the world I reckon. "
White nationalists, white supremacists, and coma patients have already purchased "Eight Inches" with enough frequency to push it to the top of The New York Times bestseller list. Trump's approval rating among likely fascist voters has improved to 72 percent from 59 percent since its release Wednesday, according to a recent Fox News/Breitbart/Liberty University poll of people with land line phones and outhouses.
Eight Inches is available on Amazon in English, German and Urdu for $79.95. Shipping is free for Amazon Prime members who make an add-on purchase of Mein Kampf.
"The cool thing about poetry is that it's like a thrift store for the mind in the sense that one person's trash is another person's treasure," said actor and poet James Franco, who sees Melania Melania as a cautionary tale about the hazards of transactional relationships.
Franco is pursuing a doctoral degree in the literary roots of matrimonial imperialism at the L.N.Gumilyov Eurasian National University in Astana, Kazakhstan. The Trumps' dysfunctional marriage is the focus of his thesis on transactional relationships of The Predatory 1 Percent.
"It's like a combination of Cinderella and The Sting," said Prof. Franco (right).
"On the one hand you have an aging, clueless, arrogant, rich, narcissist from the world's dominant empire who views women as sex toys. On the other, you have a young, ambitious, gritty working girl from a failed Communist society who is obsessed with financial wealth and views men as marks."
Trump revels in humiliating Melania, but Franco does not view the 71-year-old comander-in-chief as the dominant figure in the dysfunctional relationship.
"Outwardly, Donald appears to be running things," Franco said. "but Melania is in the better position. She's just 47 years old, she's patiently biding her time, and I think she's waiting for him to croak and leave her everything."
Melania Trump has stated publicly that she's embarrassed by Melania Melania. She has asked people to stop reading it.
"I'm a private person, who doesn't believe in publicly discussing my love life," she said through a translator. "However, as long as Donald and I are being honest, the proper title for Eight Inches probably should be more along the lines of Three Inches and Change."
Here is the complete text of Melania Melania:
By Donald J. Trump Esq., PhD, DDS
Queen whore of my life
Your husband the king
And every citizen his wife
First Lady of my strife
Your ivory breasts howl
They doth beckon my knife
Your Slavic body so tight
Head up, ass down
My silent Slovenian delight
Loyal bitch of my Reich
Oiled, lubed, gagged, tied
A compliant womb to spike
Your bright eyes alight
You summon my manhood
Just like a wildcat strike
Eva Braun of my life
The Klan is my weapon
Be good to its knight