Iowa Offers Amazon CEO “God-Like Status” in HQ Bid

State residents to become Jeff Bezos' sex slaves

by VJ Epstein - Sep-11-2017
in Market Supremacy News

Iowa surged into the lead in the race to secure Amazon’s new corporate headquarters on Monday after offering to establish the e-commerce giant as the state's One True God.

The unprecedented offer comes at a time of intense competition for economic development (eco devo) prospects, as automation and offshoring continue to decimate state labor forces.

The Amazon headquarters is the biggest American eco devo project in nearly a quarter century. It's expected to create 50,000 jobs for the city chosen to serve as its home. The intense competition is bringing out the best and worst in elected leaders at a time of unprecedented political corruption.

Iowa Gov. Kim Reynolds (below left) told Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos she would cede her office to him if he agreed to locate the $5 billion project in the sparsely populated Midwest state. All 3.1 million Iowans would be his willing slaves and recognize him as their lord and savior, she said.

“Iowa leads the nation in economic development and with good reason,” Reynolds told Bezos. “I will be your personal body slave and you may do with me as you wish oh great one. As you may with all Iowans.”

The proposal’s cover page features Reynolds and Iowa Economic Development Authority Director Debi Durham - both Republicans - in suggestive leather outfits. The words “hot pics inside” link their matching dog collars.

Toronto Mayor John Tory denounced the proposal as a “cheap stunt.” The Canadian city is also bidding for the new headquarters complex.

The Toronto metro area meets Amazon’s requirement for a population of 1 million or more, according to Tory. Metro Des Moines does not. Its population is just 634,000

“Fucking Iowa,” Tory said in a tweet. “They’re such tech whores.”


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